Rejection

I'm terrified of it.

I'm only friends, I'm starting to realize, with people that are easy to be friends with. Generally people who aren't sarcastic, who don't shoot me down, who like me. And I'm also realizing that it doesn't match up going the other way. This is not how it should be. But its the easiest way to live: the age old path of least resistance.

Being kind and friendly to people who don't reciprocate these. Being an open book to everyone (within reason). Being myself around everyone, not hiding behind my phlegmatic front that I give people who I think will dislike me. This is what I want to do.

It goes the same when it comes to being a light for Christ. I only am when it is easy. When it gets hard, I just stop. Its dumb. But I guess its normal.

Actually, it goes for everything. In school if it gets hard, I stop trying. With relationships, when it gets hard, I stop trying. With Bible studies, when it gets hard, I stop trying. Arg.

Lazy lazy lazy. And I know I'm not the only person like this. Its a deceptively vicious cycle that is easy to get caught in.